GDP continues to go up and up, while the number of dogs per household has remained stagnant. Nothing would do more to improve the mental health of every American than providing them with 1,000 dogs (of varying breeds) per month, free and clear, no questions asked.
Studies show that simply by petting a friendly dog, radical improvements are seen in the health of humans. Petting dogs:
- Lowers blood pressure
- Slows heart rates
- Regulates breathing
- Relaxes muscles
These health benefits are possible with just one dog; imagine the stress-reducing benefits of owning 12,000 dogs.
“Who’s a good boy? Yes, you’s a good boy. Oh yes you are. Yes you are. Yes you are.”
Problems to be Solved
- Every American does not currently receive 1,000 dogs/month.
- Too many leftovers go uneaten.
- Not enough Americans have a good excuse to go for a walk.
- Make Americans happy in the most direct way possible: giving people dogs.
- Make every American home more secure.
- Ensure an unprecedented stimulus to the carpet-cleaning industry.
As President, I will…
- Create a federal agency tasked with the distribution of 1,000 dogs per month to every American.
- Implement a tennis ball tax credit.
- Direct the Bureau of Land Management to set aside 50% of federal land for dog parks.
- Encourage the introduction of the 28th Amendment: The Right to Bear Dogs.